All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
