I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
