Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is wine microwaveable?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
