So drunk its hurt
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
