My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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