Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
