Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
