when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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