I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
even my farts smell like vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
