Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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