everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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