Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
