70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
