so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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