I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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