yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
