amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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