I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
