what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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