Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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