Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
