see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
