Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
