That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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