no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
