Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
