I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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