i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
