bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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