It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
