Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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