Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
