is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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