Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
