my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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