the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
