I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize