Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
