His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
