The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
