Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
