i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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