a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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