He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
