i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
