i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
