your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
