My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
