Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
