I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
