I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
