billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
