he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sobbing to NWA
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
