I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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