You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
