I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
soo... how was my night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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