I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
