At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
