I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
