Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
