If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
