i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
