I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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