so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
