But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mom said you looked used
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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