I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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