Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
