I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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