But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
