I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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