the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
