i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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