i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
