Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
