I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
