with your own penis?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
