and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
