its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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