do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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