u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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