i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
